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Hagfish Fashion

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A hag is an ugly old woman.

ahag

So it stands to reason that a hagfish is an ugly old fish

ahagfsih

Correct!

But is the hagfish to become the height of future fashion?

Hagfish slime: The clothing of the future?

The jawless, spineless hagfish is a primitive creature that lives at the bottom of the ocean and dates back as far as 500 million years – but it exudes a very special slime, which could provide the clothing of the future.

Hagfish are not the most glamorous of creatures.

They slope around on the deep, dark ocean floor, scavenging for food. Dead whale is a favourite.

But they do have a trick up their sleeve, or rather tucked within their snake-like body – abundant, highly-condensed slime.

A hagfish has no jaws, and its slime serves as a valuable form of self-defence.

Dinosaurs became extinct about 60 million years ago but a hagfish fossil – complete with evidence of slime-producing glands – has been found dating back 330 million years.

A hagfish has about 100 of these glands, or invaginations, that run along the side of its body from which they exude a milky, white substance, comprising mucus and thread.

When this gets mixed with seawater, it expands, creating huge amounts of clear slime, composed of very thin – but super-strong and stretchy – fibres.

When you stretch the fibres in water and then dry them out, they become silky.

The largest species of hagfish can reach about 4ft (1.2m), though most are around 1ft (30cm) long.

But despite their small size, a single hagfish has hundreds of kilometres of slime thread inside it.

Scientists believe hagfish slime or similar proteins could be turned into tights or breathable athletic wear, or even bullet-proof vests.

For years, scientists have been looking for alternatives to synthetic fibres like nylon and lycra, or spandex, which are made from oil – a non-renewable resource.

Hagfish slime has the potential to provide a natural and renewable alternative.

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The Cod Piece is Next

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The world of fashion oft repeats itself.

Rowan Atkinson as Blackadder

It appears as though ‘male body enhancers’ are on the comeback.

Heaven forbid.

Most of the English speaking world will be familiar with Blackadder (with the exception of the Americans because to understand Blackadder, you need a sense of humour) and his propensity for the cod piece; preferably one that puts the fear of God into the clergy and impresses Queen Elizabeth I.

GWB to impress America

Many fictional characters, and some non-fictional have resorted to the codpiece, Batman needed to impress Robin, King Henry VIIIth to impress his wives, various cinema aliens to threaten Earthlings, the ominous codpiece appeared in Clockwork Orange, Micahel Jackson to impress… well never mind that,  and George Bush to impress America.

The cod piece, a centre of male insecurity, and other body enhancing parts are returning; butt enhancers, testicle lifters, corsets and ‘mantyhose’ are all the rage on mailorder.

All is available for the discerning man who wishes to let the world know if he ‘dresses’ to the left or the right.

Check here for further details.

The world is so screwed up, because I fear it will all be to no avail. Reading last night it would appear that sex, love, pregnancy, etc are on the way out; superfluous.

So for the men it won’t be worth a damp cod piece whether you are hung or not; whether or not you have a squib or a banger.

I find the whole thing rather disturbing.

Mary is going to lose her place in Biblical history as virgin births become a daily event. Yes, virgin births, I kid you not.

The role of the male is diminishing, along with his sperm count because of tight jeans; unless you eat a lot of walnuts… apparently.

The technologies are available to remove reproduction from the sex equation.

Read: Why sex could be history

It’s a tad more than disconcerting; bordering more on the disgusting.

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